Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture

My 71-year-old, white, Christian, able-bodied, educated, successful, cishet father and I have been having a good ongoing conversation about the #metoo movement. He struggles with the idea that even a few innocent men will be maligned if we #believewomen. This book moved him to tears to learn how much worse the repercussions of rape culture are for me and his granddaughters than he thought possible.

I went on a bit of a journey through Opposite Land while reading this book. I love that this book exists. I hate that it has to.

The title was what initially grabbed my attention: Not That Bad. How many times have I and countless others said that?! Was it because it wasnt that bad? No. It was that bad but we still live in a world that, on the whole, doesnt want to know about sexual assault.

It doesnt quite feel right to say I have a favourite anything where rape culture is concerned so instead Ill say that the best definition of rape culture Ive read to date is by Clem Ford: A state of existence in which the impact and reality of sexual violence is minimised while the perpetrators of it are supported by a complex system built on flawed human beliefs, mythologies about gender, and good old fashioned misogyny.”

Usually Id give each contributor in a book of essays an individual star rating and comment on their writing style or whether I connected with their story or not, but I wont be doing that here. Im so proud of everyone that contributed to this book and while some essays impacted me more than others, Im not comfortable critiquing anyones experience of rape culture.

My full review (too long to post here), including a quote from each contributors essay, can be found on my Goodreads profile.

This is an extremely intense book for anyone to read, but its well worth it. This book was able to put words to feelings Ive never been able to articulate. It touched parts of me that have long since hidden in darkness. It gave me solidarity, it made me feel not alone and justified my anger. This allows me to feel, without guilt or shame, something that Ive never felt before.
I…Am…EVERY…PERSON … IN… THIS… BOOK
I can relate in some way to all of them.
Thank you for this.

One of the best anthologies Ive read in forever. Roxane Gay complies amazing and eclectic essays that reach deep into the parts of us we tend to bury to avoid the emotions. The stories and observations also discuss the fear of myopic societies that refuse to examine the extraordinarily widespread problem of females lack of power, experience, confidence, and understanding of themselves since birth. Smile and nod, smile and nod.

If you relate to this topic at all (you do – whether you know it or not) you need to read this book. It was an honest, open, gut wrenching account of rape culture told through people of all color, age, gender, and economic status. It made me face issues in the past and let go of the guilt, pain, and self blame. I read aloud to my partner and used some of the stories as a talking point for issues we have been through because of the past. I wish I would have read this 15 years ago..

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