Must I Go

Aging narrator Lilia asks, \”Must I go?\” And I answer, \”Yes. Please.\” I would help her pack. That most likely indicates I am an unworthy reader. Li is a legit genius, a multi-award-winning author, toast of the literary world, due every accolade. I\’m not smart enough or intuitive enough or perceptive enough to appreciate this work. In epistolary format, \”Must I Go\” is built on the diary of a self-centered boy/man who considers himself an intellectual and sort of ambassador without portfolio, living under the aegis of a wealthy older woman. The responses are footnotes and exegesis of a girl/woman who had sex with him during the United Nations conference in San Francisco and bore a child he never knew of. The literary back and forth is repetitive. He illustrates how clever and tony he is and how he never suffers; she asserts how steadfast her life has been and circles back again and again to the suicide of her daughter. It\’s just very tiring. But that\’s probably because there\’s something here I\’m not getting that I should.

Yiyun Li\’s Must I Go was very well written and had an super intriguing concept: an 81-year-old woman reflects on her life by critiquing the obscure published diaries of a former lover and the semi-secret father of her first born daughter. I enjoyed Lilia, the main character, throughout the novel. Her wry outlook on life reminded me of A Man Called Ove but with more tact; Lilia is obviously a woman and a mother so knows a lot more than Ove does anyhow ;). Despite the interesting concept and engaging voice, I found the book lagged throughout and despite some beautiful moments, was mostly boring. After an interaction with her granddaughter and great-granddaughter, Lilia decides to start annotating her former lover\’s, Roland\’s, diaries. This was mostly to give context to Katherine, who\’s mother Lucy (Lilia\’s first born) died by suicide at 27. Roland was Lucy\’s father and Katherine\’s grandfather, a fact that only Lilia\’s husband Gilbert knew. Through the annotations and diary entries, we learn that Roland, an outsider in his own once-wealthy family, travelled the world and had numerous affairs. He focuses a lot on Sidelle Ogden, an older married woman who was his lifelong fascination and love of his life. Roland\’s diary entries are numerous and often boring. He was a self-centered man who often thought he would become the next big literary success. Lilia\’s interjections were a lot more interesting than anything Roland had to say but as the diary continued, also became repetitive. Li definitely has a unique voice and if you are the type to enjoy good writing with a super strong and unapologetic lead, Lilia Liska and Must I Go is for you. Despite the lag and occasional boredom, I did want to continue on and find out how everything would wrap up. Thank you NetGalley.com and Random House Publishing Group for the ARC.

This is a challenging and ultimately rewarding read that turns in and out on itself more than once. Written as commentary by Lilia on the autobiography of Ronald, her deceased lover (and father of her daughter, it gives you two stories- and two perspectives on the same events. Both Lilia and Roland live big lives after they meed when she is 16. She marries three times; he travels the world. The largest part of this focuses on Lilia and her life, and on Lucy who commits suicide. I found this more interesting than Roland but that, to be fair, is because we are getting Lilia\’s point of view. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. Li\’s writing always attracts positive reviews- she\’s got a way with words and brings a different, often detached perspective to deeply emotional issues. This one\’s for fans of Li and those who enjoy literary fiction.

Must I Go by Yiyun Li is a novel presented in a way that I have never encountered before. The first quarter or so of the book introduces the reader to Lilia, a woman who had outlived three husbands, and reminisces about her time with Roland Bouley, a man she met prior to her first husband and continued her relationship with him for several years. At first glance, one would think she is placing a lot of emphasis on her relationship with Roland until secrets are revealed. The bulk of the book is Roland\’s diary, with Lilia\’s annotations in there, as she feels like his diary was inappropriately downsized and is missing important components. What becomes of this section is a history of both Roland\’s impressions of his life, and Lilia\’s thoughts on her life and how themes encountered by Roland are reflected in her own life. Lilia is a really intriguing character, and her relationships with her first husband, her eldest daughter, and remaining children are really fascinating. I will admit that this is a bit of a slog to get through, I found myself much more interested in Lilia\’s life than Roland\’s, so the balance between the two did not work for me personally, but I understand why the author used Roland\’s diary as a way to parallel Lilia\’s grief and relationships. Thank you to Random House and NetGalley for this advance copy for review.

Must I go, is the story of a woman, Lilia\’s life and the role of love in her life. After having grandkids and outliving her husband, Lilia unveils her once cherished affair with Roland from her diary and footnotes her memories with different versions of what could have happened. Lilia deals with loss, grief, and love in her own way and the author has captured those emotions beautifully. A great novel about the complex human emotions. Thank you, NetGalley, Yiyun Li, and Random House publishing for the reader\’s copy of this novel. This review is based on my opinion and is not influenced in any way.

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