Squeeze Me (Skink #8)

It was page after page of sophomoric jabs at Trump. For those that like trump, you will hate it, for those that hate trump, you will get bored agreeing and then waiting for a story to grab you, and for those of us that just read to enjoy life and maybe chuckle at all the multi millionaire self absorbed politicians, you will end up feeling like you are reading a TMZ printout when all you wanted was a good story. There isn’t a story, I normally fly through all of his books but jeez, I didn’t care about any of these characters, they could have all been strangled and I would have been ok. All those pages just to say Skank let out some snakes for a prank. Please don’t bother, go reread one of his previous books

I have read all of Carl Hiaasen’s adult novels, including the three co-authored novels from the outset of his career. I have also taught his wonderful novel DOUBLE WHAMMY for years. Unfortunately I found SQUEEZE ME to be a profound disappointment. CH still has the ability to create hilarious set pieces based on popular culture in its crassest forms but I had to force myself to read this novel to its conclusion.

There are two principal problems. The first concerns the plot. The plot is the once-fresh notion that an ex-governor of Florida left the office and lives as a modern Tarzan in the Everglades or some other increasingly-spoiled spot. From there he takes revenge on encroaching ‘civilization’ by unleashing violence upon it. That violence sometimes takes the form of ‘nature finding vengeance’, in this case a set of nasty and grotesquely out-sized Burmese Pythons finding their prey among the blue-hairs of West Palm. The (only) likeable character among the principal dramatis personae is one Angie Armstrong, a former vet who was imprisoned for sticking a poacher’s hand in an alligator’s mouth. It is Angie (now a wildlife controller) whose job it is to catch the pythons. Her relationships with other characters are little more than skin deep and the meandering plot never focuses on her to any degree that could be characterized as engaging or successful. We basically have a set of linked events concerning largely-unattractive characters that are eventually resolved in a completely predictable fashion. The only redeeming facet of the story is the reappearance of ex-Governor Clinton (‘Skink’) Tyree’s driver, Jim Tile. Unfortunately, Jim is aging and ill. While the first is inevitable the second is unnecessary. Jim deserves better.

The reason for the failed plot is the fact that the novel’s principal thrust is to punish Donald Trump for living in Carl Hiaasen’s state (and for being Donald Trump). While he is never named specifically (both he and Melania are identified by their Secret Service nicknames) there is no doubt that the Trumps are CH’s principal subject. The book is ‘satire’ but satire has its own rules and protocols and it usually results in a misfire if the satiric object is attacked for reasons that are not commensurate with reality. For example: DJT is completely vulnerable with regard to the color of his skin and his (here-imagined) proclivity for top-of-the-line tanning beds. Here, however, he is portrayed as fatter than William Howard Taft (who generally topped the Donald by around 100 pounds) and guilty of continually misspeaking in a manner that exceeds the failings of Mrs. Malaprop. Again, DJT has a recognizable accent and a driving tendency toward hyperbole, but he generally gets the names straight and has a facility at remembering specific details. He is also portrayed as an endless attacker of decent, upstanding illegal immigrants and CH’s ridicule of DJT’s identification of some illegals via gang numbers gives the impression that MS-13 is a collection of misunderstood boy scouts. The First Lady is portrayed as a libidinous pursuer of a Secret Service agent with an Anglo name who is actually an Arab. This crosses multiple lines and–worst of all in the Hiaasen universeit is in no way clever or funny. Satirists always have a challenging task at hand, but even the most punitive satirist (satire generally being classified as punitive or persuasive) cannot afford to appear mean-spirited, vindictive and cruel for cruelty’s sake.

It is also a good general rule for satirists that they attack a ‘common’ target, one who is judged to be deserving of satire by the vast majority of readers. To antagonize one-half of the potential audience from the get-go is seldom a shrewd move.

Bottom line: while CH still has some solid novelistic chops his political animus gets the best of him here and results in a novel that many will find flawed as a work of art and offensive as an exercise in scattershot venting. CH is a hard-hitting journalist with a vastly different ‘persona’ (qua journalist) than his laugh-out-loud ‘persona’ as a novelist. Here he gets his own lines crossed and appears more like a screeching denizen of CNN than a tough journalist/genial novelist who keeps his roles appropriately separated.

Thank you, Carl Hiaasen. I forgot how wonderful it feels to laugh out loud while reading a book. The usual suspects are here: loony Florida characters, political satire, corruption, and snappy snappy dialogue. The main characters are sassy and sexy I have already cast a Holly Hunter type for Angie. Just read it. Its a good time, full of beautiful description, a tight plot, and unpredictable twists. Hiassen is following in the footsteps of the great political satirists who served their country by poking holes in the bloated nonsense created by the rich, powerful, and stupid sometimes all in one.

This cant be the real Hiasson. I can only believe someone else wrote it. What a disappointing read. Weak plot, little humor, mostly just mean spirited political bashing.

I have been a huge fan of the author since his first solo with “Tourist Season.” However, I would have said that he had reached his peak someplace around “Double Whammy,” “Skin Tight,” and “Native Tongue,” and had been doing the same thing over and over since — auto-plagiarism being common enough (looking at you, Jagger and Richards,) and a good way to produce successful, if unoriginal, work.

This book is a welcome return to earlier form. The characters are fresher and more complex, the satire more sharp-toothed, the irony more profound. Not to mention that the book contains many, many laugh-out-loud moments. Only the obligatory re-appearance of Skink takes us back to well-trod ground.

Happy to see this happen, and recommend the book highly.

It is, of course, clear that, like dozens if not hundreds of other comedy creators, the existence of Donald Trump has been a major inspiration for the author.

So if you are an admirer of Mastodon — er, Trump — you will not like this book at all. Save your money to buy another red cap.

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