Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me: Depression in the First Person

Dont read if you are in the throes of depression. Great to help better understand what someone may be going through and a look at the mental health system.

This book is horrible. The author uses large long words and the book is difficult to read. For instance \”I cannot countenance the assertion that this hopeless chasm is simply an extreme on a spectrum of healthy emotion.\” pg 41 Every sentence is difficult to get through. I was hoping to relate to the depressive thoughts and how to work my way through them. This is ALL about how the government (Canada) has failed to help people with depression.

The book is twice as long as it needs to be. Reads like a mash up of newspaper articles. It is not a memoir in the first person so much as a verbose expos of the public health crisis of depression. The author is immensely smart and articulate but her points would be better taken if better organized.

We learn of the author\’s experience with suicide attempts (obviously unsuccessful) as well as the various remedies proposed by practitioners for depression. Well-researched and well-written.

This book is part memoir and part journalistic investigation, with a fair amount of acknowledged subjectivity based on the authors experiences with depression, suicidal ideation and attempts, and various treatments. In trying to explain the contents of this book I couldnt go past this quote: Its an uncomfortably personal exploration of a sickeningly common illness no one likes talking about, one that remains under-treated and poorly treated and grossly inequitably treated in part because of our own squeamishness in confronting it or our own denial of its existence as an illness and the destruction it wreaks when left to its own devices. I found myself cycling between wondering how wise it was to be describing the methods used in so much detail because it could potentially be read as instructions in the wrong/right hands and admonishing myself for wanting to control the narrative because people who live with suicidal ideation are already silenced in so many ways. Its difficult to sit and think about depression and suicide for any extended period of time and I did find my mood changing as I read, especially the early sections where the author recounts her entry point into a labyrinthine psychiatric care system via the trapdoor of botched self-obliteration. I think Id be more concerned if reading a book like this didnt have any impact on me, though. I was able to binge watch some TV to effectively switch the channels in my brain for a while for some respite. I am keenly aware that this is a luxury someone experiencing chronic depression and/or suicidal ideation do not have. While some of the information contained in this book is specific to Canada and/or America, overall theres something for pretty much everyone. Given the prevalence of depression, its likely to have touched your life in some way, either personally or through someone you love. This book: Demystifies suicide – no, asking someone if they are considering suicide does not cause someone who isnt suicidal to suddenly become so Offers some protective measures – loved ones, curiosity, procrastination Discusses various treatment options – pharmacological treatment of mental disorders has all the precision of surgery conducted with a chainsaw Outlines some studies and research Highlights the additional barriers to getting treatment if youre not white or youre poor or from a remote community or a child or Indigenous or from a culture that shames seeking mental health treatment or, heaven forbid, any combination of these – We fail the most marginalized at every level, then wonder why they worsen; and Provides insights into depression and suicide through stories of people whove experienced them up close and personal. I found some of the language used in this book referencing mental illness iffy at best: nuts, crazy, nutbars. While Im never going to be okay with those words myself, I dont have the right to tell someone whos describing their experience what words theyre allowed to use to do so. Subsumed by such an agency-stealing disease, we need all the empowering we can get. While it covered a lot of information I already knew (Ive read a lot previously in this area), I learned about some studies and potential future treatments I wasnt aware of and the details of the authors experiences in hospital opened my eyes. I appreciated the authors honesty and her down to earth approach, which made difficult topics more accessible for me. The amount of interviews with various health professionals, researchers and others who are consistently dealing with mental illness provided a well rounded exploration, with a variety of points of view. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone whose work involves interaction with people who experience mental illness as it holds valuable insights into what its like to have to live with an illness that people silence, shame and shy away from. Content warnings are included in my Goodreads review. Thank you so much to NetGalley and Penguin Random House Canada for the opportunity to read this book.

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