Between Me and the River: Living Beyond Cancer

I thought this would be a depressing read so actually didn’t read it for over a year after I downloaded it. I decided to give it a try and found that Carrie has an amazing gift for writing that kept me engaged and hopeful throughout the book. The peek into her loving and supportive family and intense desire to remain the central figure in their lives was inspirational. I was diagnosed with the same cancer but in its very earliest stages, and it has not returned after four years though I will continue to be scanned for six more. Her courage and transparent honesty as she faced her most intimate fears was a comfort to me.

Thank you Carrie for writing about your journey; it was a gift.

This poignant and enlightening book may change your life. In her candid, vivid memoir, author Carrie Host takes us along on her journey battling a rare, life-threatening carcinoma. Her insights, observations, wisdom and wit cast a new light on Life, Death and the wonder and agony in-between. This book is far more than an honest account of the heart-rending, terrifying and beautiful episodes that comprised the most turbulent season in the author’s life; it is also a resource. It provides a wealth of important firsthand information for cancer patients and their loved ones. In addition to a forthright exploration of how to best cope with the emotional, social and psychological impacts of a devastating illness, Host explains how she successfully navigated the maze of the medical system, handled the logistics of her absence as a wife and mother, and rehabilitated her body in order to reclaim the treasure of everyday life that most of us take for granted. The impact of this book goes beyond its account of what happens in the aftermath of a brutal diagnosis because it offers so many powerful lessons about how to live.

Faced with the “Ending”, Carrie goes about the fine art of recreating now. While we do not choose cancer, we can choose healing, she writes:

“At first, you can’t believe that you are in the waiting room of a cancer center. It’s not like a waiting room anywhere else, because all of these people are in some way affected by cancer. You don’t want to be one of these people.”

“We can choose to see what is available, rather than what is absent.” She incorporates a theme of “Blind Faith” and “Belief in Miracles” to “Trust that spring will come.” It gives her the hope that we need “to picture a destination other than death, a death that all the statistics and even some of the doctors have predicted.”

Carrie’s explores the blessings of “brokenness”, she reveals this process of trying to bring together all the pieces to complete the puzzle throughout her journey, she writes:

“You feel broken everywhere. You see your life in pieces bobbling around you in swirling eddies while the rest is floating away with the current. You won’t need those pieces anymore, but you don’t realize that yet.”

“Cancer is like that. Without your permission, it will take what you’re made up, melt it down, and remold all of its parts, dropping any that you won’t need anymore. Then it will construct something stronger, simpler and utterly exquisite. It is a painful process, being rebuilt. In exchange for your tremendous suffering, all of your senses are washed clean. All of the extra stuff you once filled y our endless time with disappears. This makes room for your soul to expand to its rightful location, front and center, where it radiates like never before and begins to heal you.”

“Cancer develops a character in us, the type of character which cannot be had by ease and good fortune. We learn that love is stronger than fear. We learn, once again, that we have to be torn down before we can be rebuilt.”

In the end, the heart’s capacity to love, especially to love ourselves, is the ultimate healing, she writes:

“The heart has the capacity to generate love, and choosing to give love in your time of greatest need feels a lot better than choosing resentment. You might find that once you experience giving the love that you yourself may have so desperately needed but have been denied, you will be able to return there again and again. You get better at giving love as with anything else, by practicing often. Only love can heal.”

Carrie’s attempts to sort out why the cancer on her liver and spleen disappeared…was it prayer, was it the plankton, was it faith or some combination thereof, made me think of a quote from Mehmet Oz, M.D. from Healing from the Heart, “If you push the understanding of the physiological basis of medicine far enough, you’ll usually come to a point that you can no longer defend it scientifically, that you must take it on faith.”

Carrie’s journey reaffirms for many of us facing cancer that faith, hope and love are at the core of our healing; this is what gives us the insight, courage and strength to enjoy “the now”. Thank you Carrie for sharing this journey of enlightenment and hope.

I bought this for a friend of mine going through breast cancer treatment after reading the reviews on Amazon. Since I do not have cancer, I can only imagine what my friend might be going through and often worry about saying the right thing and wanting to be there for her. This is a great insight into what a person dealing with cancer may be going through. I read it and thought it was great. My friend read it and she said she could really relate to the author and it was comforting to read things the author went through that she also went through. I would highly recommend this to anyone, especially anyone going through cancer treatment or with a loved one going through it.

One woman’s journey with a very rare cancer and how to live your life one minute at a time. Raw and honest.

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