Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved

Kate Bowler lost thirty pounds without trying and was wracked by stomach pain nearly daily while going about her life as a professor at her beloved alma mater with an adoring husband and very young toddler son. She saw doctor after doctor, each dismissing her concerns, until she finally refused to leave a doctor’s office until he actually TRIED something. Dismissive and hostile, he wrote orders for a CT scan while assuring her all her symptoms were psychosomatic.

Then the results from the CT Scan came back and Ms. Bowler discovered she had stage four colon cancer and not much time left to live.

This book isn’t so much a calm meditation on grief as it is a reflection of the way we swing wildly back and forth from rage to calm to fear to grief and back again. She is living in the ever-present of stage four cancer – now must be enough because no tomorrow can be promised to her. While currently somewhat stabilized, she has written a book that is an absolute gift to us all. It is not a pat or trite reflection on sorrows that promises a better tomorrow – it’s someone willing to sit with you in the dark, because she is there too.

That Kate wrote this book is a gift not just to her family, giving them an inner vision of a very self-possessed woman’s thoughts as she stares into, as she calls it, “an unbearable future” – it’s a gift to all of us who have lived through grief. Whether the diagnosis was our own or for a family member – whether we mourned a loss that’s already occurred or we’re facing one we cannot bear to survive – this book will not tell you “everything will be okay”. Instead, it will tell you, “you know, it might NOT be okay, but we’ll keep living anyway and I will stand there with you.”

It’s beautiful, raw, wrenching, hard not to read in a single sitting. A meditation on the way we are ALL adherents of the Prosperity Gospel when the chips are down.. we all want to bargain or find some thing we can do to “deserve” and receive healing. Sometimes, healing is not in the cards. Kate is there to walk with us through making sense of the world when everything is utterly senseless – on parenting when you’re not sure how much longer you’ll get to BE a parent – on loving someone who is going to lose you so much that you find yourself telling everyone to be sure he remarries, if it will make him happy.

I read it in one sitting. I will be buying another copy to gift to my mother, but I can’t give her mine – it’s tear-stained all to hell and I will read it again.

When my father died, I sought out books on mourning, grief, and death. I wish this book had existed then – it reflects how I felt so much better than anything else ever did.

I’ll start off with saying that if you are a Christian with a captial “C”, this book is 5 stars for you.

However, I’m not. I’m lightly christian nearly agnostic. I have cancer and thought this would be a great read for me to process my future with death and dying. However, I found it very hard to relate to the author. I admire her faith and that it gives her great strength and comfort, but it’s not really my cup of tea. When you remove the religion aspect, the book doesn’t quite stand on it’s own. Perhaps that is because it she is so bound to her faith, which is good for her, but hard to related to.

If you have a terminal illness and are not Christian, this book is not for you. If you are Christian and have or don’t have a terminal illness, you’d really like this book.

Wow! There is something tremendously powerful and refreshing about Kate Bowler’s writing. She doesn’t pretend that life is anything but complicated and messy, and she tells her story in a way that helps all of us see ourselves in it. The book is profound in its wisdom but also relatable and hilarious…I found myself often laughing and crying on the same page. As a working mom with young kids, I am especially grateful for Kate’s honesty about parenthood and the deep hopes and fears that parents hold for their families and their futures, even as she navigated the absolutely unthinkable in her own life. And as a person of faith, I am so thankful that she is willing to ask hard questions and not be satisfied with easy answers. Such a needed message in a time when polarity and surety seem to be such easy and prevalent options. Definitely worth it to read and share!

By some stroke of beautiful luck I was introduced to Kate and this book. This book stopped me in my fast tracks, prompted a much needed reflective pause and an urgent priority reset. You’ll laugh, cry and fall in love with the author and her endearing family. You’ll learn about living and loving life and others better through the best and worst of times. It breaks down what to (and not to) say and do to support loved ones going through terrible times. It’s real talk but fills you with beauty, gratitude and grace. This book is an absolute gem.

As much as I honor the author’s heartfelt interpretation of her experience, it is in the end just a story, a filling in the blanks between the what happened, as we humans tend to do. I found it cynical & pretty much lacking in gratitude for the things & people sharing her road. Nevertheless, it is her right to choose to view things this way & I hope her attitude has & will serve her well. It takes what it takes & I’m glad she shared her version, but I am likely not to recommend this book to others with the disease but rather just to listen to their journey as deeply as I can in the moment.

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