Older Sister. Not Necessarily Related.: A Memoir

Jenny Heijun Wills is a Korean adoptee who was raised in a white family in small-town Ontario. No exposure to Korean language and culture growing up; in an interview with Hazlitt, she says: My parents adopted me in the assimilation era of transnational and transracial adoption where it was considered good adoptive parenting to try to erase racial and ethnic differences. In her late-20s, she went to Seoul to find her birth family. She succeededand in a surprise twist (not a spoiler) her presence sparked a reunion between her Korean parents, whod been separated since her birth. She met a younger half-sister she grew close to, aunts and uncles, grandparents. She learnt it was her paternal grandfather whod wrenched her away for adoption; her mother hadnt wanted to give her up. Both her bio and adoptive families were there to see her get married. And right after the wedding, everything promptly blew up. Wills shows how intergenerational trauma can linger in your bones, whether you meet your birth family or not. She vividly depicts the experience of living with other adoptees in Seoulthe kinship, the desperation…the violence. She dismantles the idea of neat adoption narratives; her reunion with her Korean family + her parents rekindled relationship is far from a happy ending, and she reckons with past and present trauma while trying to forge a future with her new husband. Older Sister. Not Necessarily Related. has earned a place on my must-keep shelf. Its written in my favorite style: lyrical vignettesevocative, emotive, imagisticthat slip back and forth in time. A fast read that lingers; restrained prose that packs a punch.

I couldn\’t put it down. I\’m going to read it again this week.

\”I came to Canada with 5 months left on my passport, one toy in my hand, and one word in my mouth. They must have misheard me, because they tell me now that I was crying um-mama, unable or unwilling to let me believe I had something that wasn\’t vaguely recognizable to a Western listener. But I know I was calling out ummah. That early on, I was a Korean girl. They laughed at the noise I made because to them it meant nothing, to me it was all there ever was.\”~pg.124 Thoughts ~ I have been holding off writing a review for this book, hoping the words would come to me. After a few weeks they still haven\’t and I guess thats kind of the point. Older Sister Not Necessarily Related has left me speachless. While reading it I often had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Wills writing is beautiful and achingly honest as she so intimately shares about growing up as an transracial adoptee in a white family in a white town in Canada, and of going to Korea and meeting her biological family, trying to mend thoes complicated relationships over the years. This is a memoir with so much heart poured into it. Its about adoption, race, mothering, sisterhood, family, culture, coming of age, love and so much more. Anything I write will not do it justice. And I\’m not an own voice reviewer on this one but I cant reccomend this memoir strongly enough! If it\’s not on your radar it really should be!

Amazing book. Absolutely loved that it spanned years of reunion, to see what it really looks like instead of just the ten minute airport moment of reunion we usually see. The vignettes and letters are a really interesting style of writing that absolutely delivered a satisfying experience. Well done elevating the adoptee experience.

Moving

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