Memorial Drive: A Daughter’s Memoir

Trethewey makes her mother and her memories viscerally alive, in a process that seems to me to be a form of transmutation. I’m not sure how someone who hasn’t experienced this type of violent loss would read it, but my hope is it will give him or her a way to sympathize with the losses of those around them. And for those of us who have experienced it, to read this is to put words and meaning to pain that is sometimes impossible to describe.

Highly recommended.

If I could give lovely memoir more than <b>5 Stars</b> I would!!! It’s not only beautifully written and heartfelt, it also is a story that needs to be told.

<b>SUMMARY</b>
Natasha Trethewey recalls her mother, Gwendolyn’s, life and death from Natasha’s POV as Gwendolyn’s daughter, it is both a fascinating and tragic story.

Natasha’s parents, Eric (Rick) and Gwendolyn met in college and fell in love. Since they lived in the South and this was 1966, they were unable to marry in their home state and had to drive to Ohio to be married. Natasha began her life in Gulfport, MS surrounded by a very close, loving extended family. Honestly, it sounded idyllic. Her father always told her she needed to become a writer because her biracial upbringing was a story that should be told as it was quite unusual for that time and place.

Unfortunately, her parents grew apart after her father went to New Orleans to earn a masters degree. After the divorce, she and her mother set off for Atlanta so her mother could earn one as well.

Atlanta started off as a big, fun adventure. Her mother found a part time job at a bar so she could work on her degree during the day. Tasha loved school and was a fantastic student. But then her mother met Joel or <i>Big Joe</i> as Tasha called him. She married him and gave Tasha a baby brother. Big Joe was a big mistake. Although life looked pretty great from the outside for the family of four, things declined quickly finally culminating in her mother’s murder. The book follows Tasha through the aftermath as she tries to come to terms with this life altering loss.

<b>WHAT I LOVED</b>
I literally loved every page of this book and I am sad it’s over. Natasha Trethewey is a truly gifted writer. Of course I googled her upon finishing the book and found out she has won an insane number of writing awards including a Pulitzer Prize (!!!) and was twice named a US Poet Laureate!!! Well, that explains why the writing is so perfect! She really paints a picture with words. I felt like I was there with her as a child watching her father, as the sole white man, playing in the rec baseball league in Gulfport (btw- you can Google a very sweet picture of her parents holding Tasha wearing her fathers baseball hat). I can vividly picture her running back and forth between her aunt and her grandmothers houses. I can see her reading in the library while her mother studied. She made it all so real without getting bogged down in over inflated detail.

The descriptions of her mother made me feel like Gwendolyn was an old friend, someone who I need to meet for happy hour so we could catch up. Gwendolyn is portrayed as a strong woman who was fiercely intelligent and ahead of her time BUT above all else, a mother who adored her children. Although I didn’t know her at all, I’m convinced the world would be a better place if Gwendolyn were still in it.

The snippets of pop culture were the icing on the cake!!! OMG!!! The description of the belted green jumpsuit her mother wore the day they drove from Mississippi to Atlanta was to die for!!! Spot on early 1970’s!!! Her mother actually worked at a bar in <i>The Underground</I>. So iconic!! And the music which accompanied her memories wove the story together creating unforgettable images, particularly the one of Gwendolyn dancing to <i>The Bird</i> by Morris Day and The Time. All this rich detail works together to create a beautiful tribute to a beloved mother.

This story is so relevant right now, in 2020, because it deals with some of America’s biggest issues today. Racial inequality is a major theme in the book. Natasha is privy to seeing the difference in the way each of her parents are treated due to their color. When she’s out only with her father, they are treated with respect, but when she’s with her mother, they are often dismissed or even treated rudely. At times the family’s safety was even threatened.

Obviously domestic violence is a huge part of the story. My heart breaks for elementary school aged Natasha as she realizes abuse is actually taking place inside her own home.

<b>WHAT I DIDN’T LOVE</b>
Well, obviously, I hate that Gwendolyn was killed, leaving Natasha and Joey without a mother. But that is an unchangeable fact. As far as the book content is concerned, I was left hanging a little about what happened to Joey. I would have liked to hear more about him. He lost both his mother and father that day, I was wondering who raised him etc. I also would have liked to hear more about Natasha us dad Eric. He came off as such a great father and an interesting man. Maybe his story; how a man from Nova Scotia ended up in Mississippi defying the norms of the times, would make another book topic for Natasha Trethewey???? I’d buy it.

<b>OVERALL</b>
Although I’m gushing like an oil well, I am not doing this book justice!!! I’m at a loss! I cannot say enough.

I tried my hardest to like this book. I was excited to hear the author speak on NPR and decided to pre-order the book. I tried desperately to like it. It is well written. It simply was not my cup of tea because the author jumped around too much from one memory to another. I am disappointed.

This is an extraordinarily courageous memoir, poetically and eloquently written. It should be read by anyone who has ever experienced domestic violence (they will relate). It should be read by anyone who loves a mother, daughter, sister or friend (she may one day need your understanding, guidance and compassion). And most importantly, it should be read by anyone who has ever asked a battered woman, What did you do to deserve it? Or who advised a battered woman to stay with, or return to, her abuser (she deserves your apology). On behalf of all victims of domestic violence everywhere, Natasha Trethewey, THANK YOU!!! The Pulitzer Prize was an honor well deserved by a writer of such immense talent. You will likely save countless lives as a result of your brave and talented storytelling. BRAVO!!!

As she says in this, her memorial to her mother, Natasha Trethwey observes “Three decades is a long time to get to know the contours of loss.” Her mother, murdered by an abusive stepfather in 1985, had accomplished much in her 40 years, but was unable to unburden herself of a second marriage that never should have been. Augmented with transcripts and pages of evidence, Trethwey attempts to face her grief at this loss she sustained at the age of 19. Now, older than her mother ever was able to be, she addresses it, even more effectively due to her power as a poet. In addition to the tragedy of losing her life at a particularly young age, Gwen was denied the pride of enjoying the brilliant success of her award winning, Poet Laureate daughter.

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