Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man

Emmanuel Acho is the son of Nigerian immigrants who went on to play in the NFL, became a popular television sports analyst, and started an online video series with the same name as this book. And, I must admit, Ive never heard of him. Im much older, white, and watch little NFL football.

I was, however, intrigued by the title of this book, in part because I have always found every occasion with the greatest opportunity to teach us about ourselves just a little uncomfortable. And like a lot of people of every race I am at a loss to explain why we are still having the black/white conversation. Not that we dont need to have it, mind you, now more than ever, but how can that be? Is somebody putting something in the water?

The answer is yes, figuratively speaking, but first a little about the style and structure of the book. The book is true to its title, which you dont always find these days. Emmanuel starts each chapter with the kind of question on a lot of white minds (questions that he has actually received, not softballs of his own making) and then proceeds to answer that question in a rational, common sense way. He uses the word uncomfortable a lot but if this book makes you uncomfortable there is no honest book on this topic that is going to be acceptable to you.

Many of the questions have to do with the whole notion of systemic. Is racism systemic? Of course it is. How could we possibly live in our current world and it not be systemic?

I think there are two issues that give rise to this argument/confusion. The first has to do with mathematics. In any data pool there is never going to be one of anything. Of course there is black-on-black violence. But there is plenty of white-on-white violence, too. The race of the participants is meaningless. And while there must certainly be angry black men, I have met no shortage of angry white men as well. There might even be more of the latter, even on a per capita basis. (Did you follow the election on either side?)

The second issue is the whole institution of vocabulary and the words on which it is built. Words do not exist naturally, like rain or bauxite. We made words up to assist in our communication. Which means that we made them up in our own image, to rationalize our personal worldview. But that is why words must be understood in the context of those with the power to shape the vocabulary. Of course all lives matter, but there is no context to that phrase. It is meaningless and clearly not on a par with black lives matter. The latter has context and cannot be conflated with nothingness.

The word that I believe fuels racism the most is seldom mentioned merit. The most common fallacy you hear from racists and supremacists is that the US is a meritocracy. If one race isnt getting ahead to the same degree its only because they arent trying as hard. Thats baloney. Merit may count, in the US more than elsewhere perhaps, but we do not live in a meritocracy or anything close to it. (And dont bring up the Asian comparison. Again, context. Asian immigrants go through a double selection process that blacks do not.)

Getting ahead is not a meritocratic process. Again, it only exists in context. Even in sports. Name the five greatest linebackers of all time. You will be wrong. You are entitled to your opinion and there are some that are better than others and that is obvious to everyone. But the best? Football is a team sport. Its played under different playing conditions every game, and against teams of forever changing skills and talent. Even the rules change over time.

Which is also why the fact that there are wealthy and successful black people is irrelevant. So what? What does that have to do with racism? On any objective basis, nothing.

And why I believe we have to change two things before we can create a more fair and just society. The first is that we must change the way in which we fund education. The belief that rich families deserve better education is an extension of the meritocracy myth. And we must take the money out of politics. Money is structurally racist. Of that there can be no denial. (For every wealthy black entertainer or athlete there is a gaggle of super-wealthy white hedge fund managers.) And as long as there are our politics will continue to be structurally racist. We promote what we are.

Emmanuels ultimate suggestion is just to talk. Lets get the issues into the open and start a dialogue. I am all for that but do not believe that will solve the problem until we are ready to put that dialogue in context and to understand that the exception does not invalidate the rule.

I want my daughters to see color. I just want them to see it in context. I want them to see it for what it is. It is color; nothing more, nothing less. To say that you dont see color is to say, in fact, that color is everything.

This is a very good book, well written, and while it addresses a lot of questions that ignore context in their asking, what Emmanuel ultimately does is to put those tough questions into the right context. We should listen.

Wow. This may be the fastest that Ive ever devoured a book. But then, after listening to every episode of Emmanuel Achos in-person provocative Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man, Ive been anxiously waiting for its publication.
Acho clearly wrote this book, as his passionate, honest, and didactic voice is evident on every page. Im expecting his words to be the go-to manual for anyoneespecially educators like myselfwho want to get answers to difficult questions that they may have been too afraid to ask a black person before. Each chapter is clearly divided into four sections, and the final Talk It, Walk It section gives practical ways we could fight for racial justice and equality.
The Quick Talks, Recommendations, and References at the end of the book are the icing on this important and timely read. For a young man who turned just 30 years old today, I suspect that this courageous work, not his football or ESPN stardom, will be what will make the greatest impact on countless people who seek racial understanding and an end to systemic racism. Thank you, Mr. Acho for being such a bright light in this world.

In 1927 my father arrived in the USA from Europe as an 18 year old without an education or knowledge of English. Don’t know if he acquired his racism here or if he brought it with him. I certainly did not agree with him or with the racist contemporaries who populated my high school. During the upbringing of my two sons my father’s example was instructive so I was determined not to repeat it. My messaging and behaviors as a parent were one of including and integrating my sons’ friends of color in our lives.
As adults today they continue to retain and enjoy those friendships.

My grandson grew up in a very diverse community where in high school he competed with athletes of color who also became his close teammates and friends. Two are professional black athletes one of whom invited him to his NFL football game. During those formative years I know both my sons and grandson had many conversations with their friends, POC, and no doubt some of those conversations related to race were uncomfortable. This informative mutual exchange and understanding of cultures probably explains why they all remain committed to their bonds of friendship. They benefited immensely from their conversations and experiences just as this book impressively strives to make the point that conversation is at the core of understanding. As Mr. Acho suggests, “If you are raising white kids, please, please talk to them about race. We must all see color to see racism”. In our family it’s always been a reality to see and accept others for who they are because as stated “race is, if nothing else, human”. And we should all be able to relate to that.

I just finished reading Emmanuel Achos book Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man. If you werent familiar with his recent viral YouTube episodes of the same name, the book builds on those conversations and goes further. I finished it in one sitting, it was that good. He frames a series of questions on racism in each chapter of the book, explores how we as a country got here, talks about the uncomfortable but necessary conversations we need to have around those questions, and then talks about what we can do to educate ourselves about those issues and change things for the better going forward. I HIGHLY recommend this book to all my family and friends! Its a great tool to help each of us examine our own issues and perspectives on racism and for helping us create necessary conversations as a society on how to move forward and improve to eradicate racism.

I didn’t expect to think that I would enjoy reading this book. As the title assumes that you will be uncomfortable, which is never associated with enjoy ment. I did enjoy reading the book.

The book covers some hard topics in an extremely easy way to read. Some would say that it is plausible that another book could be written as a follow on – with additional topics. The author does provide numerous links and information for those who would like to read more on each subject.
I have not listened to his podcasts so was not aware of the author beforehand. I think I will listen to the podcasts.
I would recommend this book to anyone to read.

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